Lessons of the Mother

Its strange the lessons we learn from our parents while growing up. I mentioned in a previous post about my step-father and his self-limiting interactions with me growing up, how they taught me the sting of disappointment and not to expect much when all you want is love. His actions are the birthplace of my pain, there is truth that the absence of a father's love is damaging to a girl child, sometimes she is destined to search for that love in the faces of the men she interacts with and loves, only to be disappointed and crushed. While there is the negative that is associated with my step-father.. I must acknowledge my mother's role in the acceptance of love.

My mother and father had a tumultuous relationship, domestic abuse table 1. My mom also grew up without her father, he abandoned her and my aunt and uncle when they were small. So I can appreciate and understand her yearning for the love of a father that will never come to pass. Even in choosing my birth father and step-father there are traces of that yearning for her dad's love in them as well. After the smoke cleared and she stood alone with her 2 children, she did her best to show us love being a single mother. When she was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, her journey in fighting that disease, in turn showed me what genuine love is.

Even though I was young, watching her and standing by her side showed me to fight, and be there for those you love. That life isn't easy by any measure and there are times you want to quit and that is okay, but it's what you do after wanting to quit that measures you as a person. Growing up I didn't get that, I at times resented it, I wanted to be a teenager and have fun. The nights I held her when she cried, taught me compassion and patience. The days she was angry and frustrated showed me that is not all about me and people's hurt isnt about you. The times we just sat and taught showed me the need to communicate and understand a person. It's crazy that there are lessons in life that we are totally oblivious of. Having my mother be sick most of my life, I just assumed the lesson I got was becoming an adult quicker than I expected and being responsible sooner than I wanted. In essence, she taught me way more than that, even though it took me a while to appreciate this lesson, I appreciate nonetheless and have been applying them in increments and not realizing the source of my values and why I love and care the way  I do. I will do better in distinguishing who to bestow my love on, I know that is a learning process one that I will diligently undertake with the better understanding of the value of myself, worth and love.

I thank you mom for instilling in me courage, love, and the drive to fight even when I feel defeated.