What does he bring to the table?
It has to be more than good looking and great sex! Rollng my eyes the things we allow when those 2 mentioned are present....
A man who still lives at home with his parents can not be taken seriously, when you're looking to date a man. I learned that the very hard way, which at my age I should know better but.. yeah.. When I met him he told me a little later down the line that he lived at home, but it was more so because he was taking care of his mother and it was a financial issue more than anything. I accepted that explanation, because I can appreciate when a man is being responsible and taking care of home and his parent. Sometime down the line I started to listen to his words and actions. When he'd come over and his mom would call and see where he was and basically interigate him on his where abouts. This was so new to me, I'd never dealt with any kind of situation like this. I also never dated someoe who still lived at home with his parent. Me being a divorce, my mom having passed years ago, I never had to answer to a parent on my whereabouts. It bothered me, it bothered me that as a man in his late 30's he had to answer to his mom and it annyoed me that he would lie about his whereabouts, much less discuss them in detail and the ordeal that ensued during. I asked him one day why is the relationship and it's dynamic is so frayed? Why she needs to have so much information regarding his movements? He explained the reasons for her actions and that she was just controlling and very manipulative. I made sure and told him it bothered me that he had to lie about where he was much less have to answer and be interogated. They would have these arguments (where he goes and comes, money, him living in her apartmemt, why he hasnt moved out, etc) and go at it and then suddenly they'd be talking and everthing was cool, strange at best to me.Then it suddenly dawned on me... In the matter of relationships and what people bring to the table... stability, financially independent (gainfully employed, has their own place, good with money management) loving, caring and honest.. You have to be very diligent in processing the information that people give you, realize that people omit as well and wont be 100% honest with you for their own personal reasons. In the end figuring out are they really worth it? Is what they bring to the table even a fraction or equal to what you're bringing? If they aren't, are their goals, determination and drive present to the point its obvious there making changes, actively making them come to fruition.
I truly turned a blind eye, looking past him living with his mother, thinking the goals and determination he showed career wise would somehow bear the fruits of him moving out and being on his own. I was sadly mistaken, two years in and he hadnt moved out, his searches for apartments and houses turned up baron. At best he had gotten used to the routine of the arguments and then peace within his mother's home. He would only look for a place when the arguments ensued and then leave it alone when things were quiet. By the time the relationship was getting rocky and I had my doubts where this relationship was going, it dawned on me. There was nothing this man could truly bring to table that would ever make it so our relationship moved to the next level. He was way too comfortable in his current situation and I wasnt with that. During and after our break-up I came to the realization, you cant ever look to see what a man who lives at home with his mother can bring to the the table.. That's not his table, it's his momma's.
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